you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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