Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
