They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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