i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
