why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
