I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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