when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
