Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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