There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
