Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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