he shaved USA in his pubs
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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