with your own penis?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
