he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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