I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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