I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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