I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
