toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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