Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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