Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
