I'm going to rape someone's good day.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
