New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
