come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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