Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
