somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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