Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
