I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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