you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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