Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
