I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Every concussion has its silver lining
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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