she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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