I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
