Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
