this beer tastes like vomit already
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
