Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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