Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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