Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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