rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
