we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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