I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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