ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
