people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
