No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
