Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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