6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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