She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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