i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
