She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
