Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
