I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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