i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
