for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
