she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
