If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
