then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
