I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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