Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
