i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
