Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
