yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
